Surfs Up!

I was actually undecided about this one. The thing that clinched it for me was the fact that, because of the reflectivity of the gold pickguard and nameplate, in the wide-shot below the two don't appear to be exactly the same color. This is an illusion, of course, and possibly not one that you would see in real life -- camera distortion or something.

It brings to my attention something I haven't mentioned before, though: why is it that certain color schemes not in themselves offensive, or even ones not offensive as colors for guitars specifically, are so jarring when we see them on a Rickenbacker?

I would totally play a Strat that looked like this. I would actually love a P-Bass that had this going on, especially if it had the white binding with the fake stitching on it, which I like quite a bit. The gold plastic I could do without, especially since it looks really weird with the chrome, but you can't replace the chrome with gold or black, because these are never excusable colors for the metal hardware on any guitar.  I can really see a cool Tele in here, though, too: with a black plastic and chrome metal.

The principle here is, I guess, the same as the one that applies to cheese. It's good on its own, and it's good on Italian food. You can't put it on Chinese food, even though Chinese food is also, in itself, good. Cheese suddenly becomes an abomination on General Tso's Chicken. Why is that? Nobody knows.

I'm willing to be proved wrong about this one, though.

Bizzare Love

These are from 1975, and the country was still pretty shaken up from Watergate and the Viet Nam War. It makes sense that, in the malaise of the Ford presidency, Rickenbacker would be doing its part to bring about an end to human history.

The model number of the one of the right, btw, is 4080. I was going to guess 4361 (4001 + 360), but if I were actually the one choosing the names I would have gone with 400π. Some kind of non-human intelligence would have to be required to figure that shit out! It shouldn't be possible to represent it in numbers available to the rational mind. The other one is I guess officially just called a 362/12, though this, too, is deceptively normal-sounding. What, nobody thought 360/18 was a good idea?

Still, I'm glad these two found each other. This couple just shows that, no matter how heinous your appearance or mutated your DNA, there's somebody out there who will go out with you. Though these probably aren't the only two in the world. There would have to be at least two more out there so there's one for each of the four horsemen!

I don't know what this color is called, but I hope it's something like Pestilence-Glo or Famine-Glo. Oh, ok, it's apparently called "azureglo." That makes sense. (Or at least it makes more sense than the fact that these were built in the first place.)

Note the black pickguard with the white nameplate (whoops, I mean nameplates!) on the 4080. I guess when you have this kind of diseased double act going on nobody will notice that the carpet doesn't match the drapes.

They're in shockingly good shape for instruments from 1975. My own 4001 is from '76, and it looks like something Hector might have used as a shield when he fought Achilles. It makes sense when you think about it, though. I mean, who in their right mind would be seen in public with either of these? Even the guy who originally bought them would have to know better than that. As Freud observed, that which shames us we seek to bury, and that which we bury we inadvertently preserve.

We are living, my compatriots, in the twilight of our empire.

Au Nauturale

My friend Dave has one like this, except a previous owner removed the frets from his (no, I'm not kidding).

Also, Dave's has a custom mirrored pick guard, and a high-mass bridge. I've tried to get pictures of it, but he's offended that I want to post about it here and won't let me.

Cobalt Blarf

This color is apparently called "Factory Blue."  Maybe "Luxury-Car-Glo" was already trademarked or something.

Valiant attempt here to make the guitar look better by placing it against the ugliest background ever. It looks like the carpeting they had at my high school!

Tortoiseshell

Oh, pickguard, pickguard, what hast thou dunst?

You can just hear the guy thinking "Maybe that third pickup will make up for the... horror."

Nice try, dude. Maybe if you put a gold tailpiece on it you could at least turn all the people who look at this abomination to stone, and nobody would be left to tell the tale.

Probably Yucky For Sure

I realize I'm revisiting a color scheme in what is only like the third actual post here, but this one is pretty awful.


Particularly clear here is the black binding on the back, making the guitar ugly even where you can't see it. This is a twelve-string, too, so you'll be spending plenty of time with those black tuning pegs.

I do kind of like that '70s style case, though.

This is a 1993. It looks a little like a sweater the dad on Pete and Pete wore once in the first season.

Also, in the third picture you can really see how sickeningly glossy the finish is. How do they even get this color of red to reflect that much?

The Look

This is a real classic! This song is actually called Joyride, although the guitar in the video definitely has something that looks suspiciously like a "look."

Roxette really put the ugly ric on the map in a whole new way with this video. Way to go, guys!


Gold on white... I muse on the implications of this, both aesthetic and allegorical. Although it kind of looks like gold on some kind of off-blue affair.

I wonder if he still has that guitar.